FAMILY MINISTRIES-Seventh-Day Adventist Church-Scotland

- FAMILY SNIPPET – APRIL 2008 -

- EMBRACING SINGLENESS   -

I have been searching for an article about ‘Singleness’ – and I found one that I thought was very helpful. Here’s one from  Care For The Family Charity website – Clifford Herman

Sometimes the words we say can make such an impact on a single person. Jill Worth – from “Care for the Family” - finds out why.

“When you’re standing in a group, talking happily about your children’s latest escapades and achievements, or planning to get together with other couples for an evening out, is there someone who doesn’t join in the conversation? Perhaps it’s a person who actually can’t join in, because they don’t have a spouse or a child to talk about. Sometimes single people can feel invisible in a world of coupledom and parenthood. Yet sometimes they would rather feel invisible than to hear, once again, those words: “Not found Mr/Mrs Right yet, then?”

The words we say have more of an impact than we could ever imagine, and can even make a single person feel like an object of sympathy or a second class citizen. Yet more and more people in today’s society are single - so why should singleness still be seen in a negative light?

Accepting singleness

“Sometimes people refer to a person’s singleness as if it’s a handicap,” says Rachel (36). “They seem to find it hard to accept that you’re single, especially as you get older. When an individual is trying to accept that they’re single and may always be so, it helps so much if people don’t make a big issue of it. It can be a painful and lonely journey at times, and people making insensitive comments, even when no harm is meant, can make the journey harder.”

Recently, Rachel bumped into someone she hadn’t seen for several years. He asked if she was married and, when she replied “no”, he replied very sympathetically, as if he felt really sorry for her, “Oh dear, maybe one day.” Rachel says: “It was as if I’d just told him some bad news! No doubt he was trying to be caring, but that’s not how it came across.”

Bereavement
The saying ‘you don’t miss what you’ve never had’ simply isn’t true. A single person has to come to terms with the possibility of not marrying and not having children of their own.

“On the whole, people are sensitive to married couples who are unable to have children, and rightly so,” says Joanne (49). “But they don’t seem to realise that it’s the same for me. I’d have loved to have my own children but, without a husband, I couldn’t have any. It’s a bereavement. Now I’ve reached the menopause, it’s too late - and that hurts.

“But there are good points to being alone. I feel fulfilled in my career, I enjoy solitude, and I appreciate being able to make decisions without having to consult another person. Now I’m nearly 50, I think I’d like to stay single - in fact, it would be difficult for anyone to live with me now I’m so set in my ways! But I didn’t always feel like this; I had to come to terms with the fact that I didn’t have a ‘soulmate’.

Freedom
Matthew is in his late 30s. “I’ve always wanted to be married,” says Matthew, “but at the moment I’m not worried and stressed about it - I’m quite content. In fact, sometimes I look at some couples and appreciate my freedom and the fact that I can make my own choices. In my 20s, it was terrible. But now I’m in my late 30s, I’m very happy.

“People have tried to matchmake many times - with good intentions, but it can be embarrassing. I’ve been invited to people’s houses, and have found a single woman there at the same time. It’s obvious what’s going on. I find it quite amusing really - but it’s also annoying because you’re put into a situation that you then have to get out of.”

 

Embracing singleness

It sometimes appears that our value as human beings is dependent on whether we’re single or married. Yet it shouldn’t be like that. For some, singleness is a choice, and they love it. Whether we would have chosen that path or not, we all have a choice in how we approach our singleness. If we tell ourselves we’ll be miserable as long as we’re single, we probably will be. Putting our lives on hold until someone comes along is not something that will help or benefit us.

Loneliness can sometimes seem overwhelming. However, it’s something that isn’t unique to single people. Sometimes the worst loneliness can be felt in an unhappy marriage, when the other person ‘should’ be providing love and support, but isn’t. For the single person looking in - like the hungry Victorian child gazing through the windows of the big house where everyone gathers around the fireside - it can appear that all couples and children are happy. And many, of course, are - but it’s a fallacy that all of them are. Recognising that married people also have their problems can be a step forward on the path of positively embracing singleness.

The value of friendship

If a single person is lonely, they can do something about it. It isn’t always easy to make the first move - in fact, for some, it’s very difficult. But sometimes, plucking up the courage to go to a social gathering, or to talk to someone at a party or at the end of a church service, can be so worthwhile. It could even be the beginning of a good friendship.

We need to cherish our friends. Friendships are so important, especially for the person who is single. And, for many, friends have become the new family. Single people need to work on their relationships and value them. They can make such a difference in a person’s life. Sometimes our circumstances don’t change, but we can change our attitudes, and gain fresh hope and new perspective.

What you can do

· Respect single people as much as married couples. It’s important to value marriage and family life, but try not to give the impression that being single is inferior.

· Include single people. It’s natural for couples to socialise with other couples, but this can make single people feel excluded and alone. Help them feel that they 'belong'.

· Practical help: be conscious that single people sometimes need practical help, e.g. moving a heavy piece of furniture, or babysitting if they are a single parent.

· Be sensitive. Stop and think before you make a flippant remark. What you say could cause much hurt.

· Don’t assume that every single person wants to get married. And even if they do, they need to work it out without the intervention of a third party, so don’t try to matchmake.

Things to avoid saying

Be sensitive when you are speaking to a single person. It would be best to steer away from comments such as these:

· "You can babysit for us, can’t you? You don’t have anything else to do in the evening."

· "When’s Mr Right coming along, then?"

· "Have you ever thought of contacting a dating agency?"

· "It’s such a shame - you’d have made a lovely husband/wife, father/mother."

· "Don’t worry - it’ll be your turn next."

Family Snippet - March 2008

FAMILY SNIPPET – MARCH 2008

‘CALLING ALL DADS – OUT THERE’

I subscribe to the Care for The Charity newsletter and among others, I thought the following is valuable to share with my ‘dad’ friends out there.

I certainly identify with the opening illustration, because I learnt the same habit from my father-in-law to drive past the petrol garage until you are on the last drop. Of course you never know when the last drop is exactly and as a result I fell into that trap of running out of petrol a few times.  However I hope you enjoy the article by Richard Hardy and maybe you are interested to join the event promoted below.

“Despite always telling me how important it is to plan ahead, my dad went through a phase of playing Russian Roulette with the needle on his petrol gauge. I think he believed that the car ran better on fumes than liquid petroleum. I’ll never forget the day the car sputtered and died, and we ended up pushing it 2½ miles to a petrol station. (Mum was not impressed!)

As dads, we can be very good at assuming everything will be okay. We ignore the warning lights and the needle hovering in the red because things have always worked out in the past. But, as with driving, a little forward planning can be crucial.

Never too late to start.  One of the most important things you can do for your child is to make time for them. I really hope that my son remembers that I listened to his worries when he was six (and he thought girls were yucky). And then he might just talk to me at sixteen (when he’ll think differently) – and I’ll want him to discuss things with me then!

Of course it’s never too late to start making time for your kids. Even teenagers occasionally want to talk – usually at 2 a.m. But, just as driving on a mostly-empty fuel tank will damage an engine, I’ve learned that only giving my kids the dregs of my time at the end of the day can cause a breakdown. As a dad, I need to listen when they need to talk.

Kids are copy cats

My kids learn how to treat other people – and themselves – by copying me or their mum, whether we intend to teach them or not. We want them to emulate our good characteristics, but they often copy our bad habits.

Because they copy us, it’s important to teach our kids to respect others and themselves, and the best way we can do this is by showing them love. My hope is that if they know they’re loved unconditionally, they’ll feel less pressure to impress their peers and to ‘go with the crowd’. They won’t rely on their friends’ opinion for their sense of value.

Invest time in your kids and you’ll avoid running on empty – the benefits of a positive relationship will fill your emotional fuel tank. And, as they grow up, your kids will have learned how to refuel and keep their gauges on ‘F’ if they embark on the journey of parenthood themselves.

I recently read some funny descriptions of life as a dad. They made me laugh, so I thought I’d share them with you.

“Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.” – David Frost

“Everyone who has ever walked barefoot into his child’s room late at night hates Lego.” – Tony Kornheiser

“By the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth

“Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.” – Rob Parsons

If you’re a dad, I hope you'll join me at A Rough Guide for Dads, which is coming to Cumbernauld on Tuesday 13 May and Dundee on Thursday 15 May. Together we'll take an honest and humorous look at life as a dad.

And you’ll be pleased to hear that there'll be no embarrassing group work – just you, me and some other fathers looking at what it means to be a dad.

Book online at http://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/events/events_single.asp?id=1093 or call us (01506)846476.”

If you are interested let me know, I will send you a brochure and maybe we can do a group booking and go together.

Clifford Herman

Family Snippet - February 2008

-          FAMILY SNIPPET – FEBRUARY 2008  -

-         

-          SINGLE PARENTS AREN’T ALONE  -

Allow me to share a few thoughts I read recently:-

‘Life as a single parent is full of challenges - financial struggles, emotional angst, time pressures, and more. It's easy to feel alone and allow despair to overtake you when you must deal with these challenges day after day. But God is with you, and He stands ready to help you as you raise your child without a spouse.

Here are some ways you can approach single parenting successfully, with God's help:

• Pray for the grace to be the kind of parent your child needs. Ask God to reveal your child's deepest needs to you, and commit yourself to focusing on them. Pray with and for your child often, as well. Even though you are likely in pain, don't forget to focus on your child.
• Release whatever bitterness you have about the circumstances that caused you to become a single parent, such as a divorce or the death of a spouse. Ask God to heal you from the past and lead you confidently into the future. Don't give in to self-pity, no matter how difficult your circumstances; decide to approach life with a positive attitude fueled by faith. If you're struggling with depression, get help from a church counselor, surround yourself with supportive friends, and make sure you're eating a proper diet and exercising and sleeping enough.
• Know that being single isn't all bad. Although you may rather be married, understand that you can survive and even thrive as a single person. Ask God to help you be content in your current season of life and make the best of it.
• As worries arise in your mind, pray about each one specifically. Listen for God's guidance about how you should handle each situation, and trust Him to remain in control, bringing good even out of bad circumstances.
• Let people know about the specific needs you have, and look to family, friends, church members and government agencies to help you meet them.
• Accept the fact that you won't be able to do everything you used to do as an intact family, nor spend as much money. Ask God how you should adjust your schedule and your budget, then ask for the grace to do so and the peace to live with the changes.
• If you're divorced, do everything you can to be sensitive to the deep pain your child feels as a result. Make every effort to interact respectfully with your former spouse, and never force your child to take sides or insult your former spouse (whom your child loves) in front of your child. Listen to your child when he or she expresses thoughts and feelings, assuring your child of your love without judging him or her or trying to solve all the problems.
• Regularly assure your child that you love him or her, that you'll never leave, and that your mate's decision to leave wasn't your child's fault.
• Be sure to keep your word to your child, maintain a fairly consistent family schedule, and model stable behavior for your child. Give your child regular chores to perform at home and let him or her participate in making family decisions whenever possible. Establish traditions with your child, and set aside times to fully communicate with him or her on a regular basis.
• If your child is struggling with anger, find counseling for him or her through school or church, and pray often for healing.
• Look for creative ways to meet your needs for time alone and with adult friends, away from your child. Spend some time relaxing, and some pursuing personal growth -- especially spiritual growth. Don't allow your single parenting duties to overtake your entire life. You'll be a much better parent when your own basic needs are met.
• Don't leave your child with too much idle time, which is too often filled with dangerous activities. Work with your child to set goals, and invest your time into helping your child work toward those goals through productive, creative activities.
• Don't consider remarrying if you're not honestly at the point at which you consider yourself complete as a single person. Make sure that you're truly looking to God to fulfill your needs, rather than another person. If and when you do begin to date, don't introduce the person to your child until the relationship begins to get serious. Maintain purity in your dating relationship, and be sure that the time you spend dating doesn't interfere with your time with your child. Assure your child that he or she will always be a priority in your life. Don't force your child to build a relationship with your dating partner; just gently encourage it, and let your child know that the person will not be a replacement for his or her other parent.

Adapted from Successful Single Parenting by Gary Richmond, copyright 1990 by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Ore., www.harvesthousepubl.com,          1-888-501-6991       .

Gary Richmond serves as a pastor to single parents at the Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton, Calif. He speaks at Christian camps, churches, and schools throughout the western United States and Canada.

May God Bless you as a Single Parent

Clifford Herman

Family Snippet - January 2008

FAMILY SNIPPET JAN 2008

------THE FAMILY YEAR------

When God said "it is not good for man to be alone," He was stating both a social and theological truth about human nature.  We are made to find our greatest joy in community.  At the heart of the community is the family.  What is the make up of today's families?

• They are nuclear, with a Mum, Dad and children who are born/adopted to those parents.  Usually they are no longer in an extended family setting.
• Step families which are made up of two remarried individuals and their children from a previous relationship.
• Singles because they have never married, or are divorced, widowed or separated.
• Single parents for the same reasons as above.
• Empty nest as their children have left home
• Re-attached as their adult child/children return home or a parent comes to live with them.
• A church congregation where members feel welcomed, loved and can have 'ties' closer than with those they are related to.

Unfortunately, today's families are under a great deal of stress and brokenness due to the rising divorce rate, increased economic pressure on families, and rapid social changes that tear families apart.  These situations have given Christians new reasons for becoming interested in supporting family life.  Much of the renewed interest in family has come because people realise that the family is in trouble – even in the church.

Why not plan in 2008 for each month to highlight the importance of some member of the family. Below are some ideas to start you off.  It does not have to be big, or expensive, but you can help make our families count.

January	·         Missing Families Month-Contact a family member or friend who no longer attends church.
February	·         Christian Home & Marriage Week – Ask your pastor to highlight in his sermon on 16 Feb – the importance of the Christian Home.
March	·         Mother's Day Sabbath – Arrange a card or gift for all the mothers in your church and community.
April	·         Child Emphasis Month - Encourage family members to spend quality time with their children, including those who have left home and for those taking exams or other stressful events.
May	·         Singles Emphasis - Honour them by sharing about the contributions they make at home, school/college and workplace.
June	·         Father's Day Sabbath- Daughters/ Sons take out their Dad for a special treat. Or those dads whose children are far away; why not give them a treat
July	·         Family Fun Month- Ask your pastor or elder to plan a church event; games in the park, ten-pin bowling, swimming or church outing, etc.
August	·         Grandparenting Month -Promote an evening concert where grandparents lead out or prepare them a special meal.
September	·         Abuse Prevention Month. Donate towards the work of Abuse Prevntion Organisations ·         Make sure the church notice board has the appropriate contact details for agencies who help those suffering from abuse.
October	·         National Parenting Month- encourage your church leaders to help parents plan a week or novel ways to enjoy a family time instead of watching TV/computer games. You invite a family with children to have a meal or day out with your family
November	·         Caregivers Month - Present a token of recognition to those giving care to an ageing parent, special needs child, etc.
December	·         Baby Month – organise a baby shower to expectant mums. ·         Celebrate the birth of Jesus in your homes and church by inviting those away from their family to your Christmas activities.

Happy  2008.  May God bless you and your families.

Clifford Herman

Family Snippet - NOVEMBER 2007

-FAMILY SNIPPET-

Rising Above the Parent-Child Power Struggle

Now that my son is reaching the 8 year old mark, we are discovering the some ‘additions’ that comes with that age, which were not there before. One of them is called ‘stalling’. You know. The times you really need kids to do something quickly, they choose that time to move in slow-motion? The following I found interesting and helpful which may interest you as parents as well. Happy Parenting!!

“When your child stalls, it is a way for her to exercise a form of power over her own life. Unfortunately for you, but intoxicating to her, stalling also drastically affects your life. Since you both have to be somewhere at a certain time, her stalling creates problems for everyone involved. Annoying? Yes. Diabolical? No. This is an immature power struggle, not a personality defect.

If you have a youngster who stalls, it’s likely linked to your own anxious need to make her punctual. This has undoubtedly become a battle between the two of you, which means it’s not really about stalling. This battle is about whose life belongs to whom, and it’s only going to get worse the more you dig in:

1. What kids need most are parents who do not need them. I know this sounds weird, but our own need for our kids to comply communicates messages contrary to what you want. When we need them, we are saying "Mommy or Daddy are not in control of their own emotions, you are"; "your behavior is the driving force in this family"; "your immaturity is very powerful".

In contrast, when we no longer need our kids to behave a certain way, then we communicate three very different messages: "Mommy and Daddy cannot be manipulated by your emotional outbursts (we're bigger than that)"; "your behavior has consequences for you that you (not anyone else) will have to deal with"; "power is found in self-control, not neediness or immaturity".

2. Practice Paradox Parenting (or Push the Pause Button). Usually the best thing to do in a stalling situation is the thing we least want to do, to slow down. Slow down your speech, your movements, your breathing. Lower your volume. You’ll be surprised how much more they listen to you when they have to be more still to hear you. When you feel the pit of your stomach tighten as the clock ticks toward bedtime and your daughter asks for just “one more” story, take a really deep breath and ask yourself: How do I want to behave? Do I want to roll my eyes and give in over and over until she blows up and everyone ends up crying? No. I’d much rather feel good later about how I acted. I’d prefer to gently hug my daughter and calmly tell her that this will be the last story and if she gets out of bed again she will lose one of her toys to timeout for a day or two. The bottom line: slowing down or pushing pause gives you the space to be creative and act the way you want to act, instead of acting just as immaturely as your child.

3. Give your kids space and place. You can’t control which choices that your child makes. They know it and you know it. Embrace that and realize that you can control which choices your child has. If your child is sick and needs medicine, they don't have a choice in the matter of whether or not they take the medicine. But, they do have a choice as to how they take it. The easy way or the hard way. We used to play the medicine game in our house when our daughter was little. The easy way was her taking it with a spoon and chasing it down with an M&M. The hard way was us prying open her surprisingly strong jaws and using the medicine dropper and then taking away a favorite video for the next day. The choice as to which way she took the medicine was fully hers and we had to let go of the desire for her to choose which method we preferred. It was with great pride and respect that my three year old smiled and said that she would prefer the hard way. We actually all giggled as she put up a pretty good fight just to see if she could trust us to respect her choice.

4. Let the consequences do the screaming. Ask yourself a question—how did you learn to be punctual? Most likely it came through experience, the negative consequences of being late and the positive results of organized living. So what is getting in the way of your son or daughter learning those same experiential lessons? My guess is that it is your own anxiety. Because of this, I have made the timer my new best friend. Instead of me nagging my son to do what he needs to do before we leave for school and then hovering over him while he ignores me, I use the timer. I decide on a reasonable amount of time for him to finish breakfast, brush his teeth, and head out the door and I calmly set a consequence that I can live with if he doesn’t beat the timer. Then comes the hard part. I drop my anxiety. I let the timer do its thing. I let my son choose to do his. I don’t count down like NASA; I don’t remind; I simply give him space. If he makes it, great. If he doesn’t, I don’t need to say a word, I just enforce the consequence. By taking myself and my own anxiety out of the equation, I can walk next to him in the whole process without dragging him kicking and screaming. I allow something larger than both of us to motivate.

Kids can smell your anxiety a mile away; they have an incredibly sensitive radar for that kind of thing. So, instead of allowing your anxiousness to drive the boat, give them a clear cut timeframe and a clear cut consequence and then back off – show them that you respect them and their ability to do this without you hovering and you do amazing things for your relationship along the way.

---

Hal E. Runkel, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of the National Bestseller ScreamFree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool, from Waterbrook Press. Visit http://www.screamfree.com/ for more information.   

Family Snippet - OCTOBER 2007

FAMILY SNIPPET

FAMILY TOGETHERNESS WEEK/ PARENTS WEEK

‘VULNERABLE FAMILIES

The brother of a friend of mine died at the age of 35 this past weekend. To describe his personality as vivacious is an understatement. He was the life of the party and the company. He was Western Cape Province Champion 100 metre sprinter until about 10 years ago. He always had a story to tell. He was a very loveable character.  At the age of 35 a vein in his brain ruptured, he went in a coma and after 2 weeks was no more.  When speaking to his brother, who is my friend, from when we were young, I could sense the loss and burden he was bearing with the passing of his brother. I contacted his parents, whose home I frequented many times, when I was younger and the same load I could sense over the telephone. 

It always breaks my heart when I see people younger than me lose their life. I always feel a sense of unfairness. I feel even worse when I see families break up, husbands abuse their families, and people’s lives fall apart. I always feel that it should have been me, instead of them, which is the reason for the unfairness I feel. I long to reach out to them, but I often feel I am too inadequate to deal with their problems or mishaps. I burden because I always feel I am never able to sympathise with them enough or completely; and therefore I shy away – and instead I pray for them, and ask God to lead where my adequacies fail. You may judge me, but I am sure you sometimes feel the same way too.

This past week the United Kingdom celebrated ‘Parents Week’. In order to run in tandem with this national week, our church in the British Union Conference focus on Family Togetherness. This current week (20-27 October 2007) is Family Togetherness Week in the Adventist Church of the United Kingdom.

In my quest to find out what the Parents Week are focusing on this year, I discovered, coincidentally, that there focus is on vulnerable families.

So I went to http://www.familyandparenting.org/, the organisation who sponsors the event, and discovered a free guide on how and why to reach vulnerable families. Although it speaks to organisations, like our church, and not individuals, per se, I felt it was worth the read.

While reading, I immediately thought about my friend in South Africa. I certainly did not feel qualified with the suggestions the guide for Parents Week made. But I felt a certain opportunity I possessed toward that vulnerable family. Again I felt my inadequacy, but then I remembered the appreciation in each of their voices when they got the call from Scotland; from a long last friend and adopted son, for ‘Auld Lang Sign’, who thought about them in their time of need. You may think I am proud of my actions and thus I boast. Well, even if I am, don’t let that put you off to make a call to someone hurting out there this week, and tell them you are thinking of them. If you can do more, do it. I believe if we just make one call, we would have joined others in making Parents and Family Togetherness Week all worthwhile. Blessings.

Family Snippet - JULY 2007

Family Snippet – Nobody’s Fault

I found this devotional on www.crosswalk.com called ‘Moments Together for Couples’

Nobody's Fault

Genesis 3:12
And the man said, "The woman whom Thou gavest to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate."

Although we technically have six children in our family, occasionally we are visited by a seventh child called "Nobody." Nobody spills apple juice, jelly and peanut butter on the floor and then walks off and leaves it-presumably to let it grow. Nobody leaves doors wide open during the fiercest heat wave in the summer and when the wintry winds are whistling.

The interesting thing about Nobody is that he never gets credit for beds made and rooms that are picked up. But when games, toys and dishes are strewn all over the living room floor, Nobody gets the blame, receiving full accusations by six kids. "Nobody did it." Barbara and I would probably discipline Nobody if we could ever catch him.

In Genesis, Adam tries to avoid his responsibility by blaming Eve for eating from the forbidden tree. In fact, He even seems to insinuate that perhaps God is at fault for giving him Eve as a mate!

Adam and our invisible child, Nobody, are reflections of the irresponsibility of many people in our society. They want to clarify their "rights," but when accountability and responsibility come knocking, they flee for the back door.

The kids of this culture aren't being told there are consequences for their wrong choices. Undoubtedly some of them eventually find themselves in a jail cell, puzzled that we still have some laws that do hold us accountable for our actions.

Let me suggest that you and your mate model a different message. When you have a conflict, quarrel or disagreement, take responsibility for resolving it. When you make a mistake, admit it-even if it isn't all your fault. Instead of finding a flaw in your spouse's argument and blaming him or her, take responsibility and say you're sorry. I am confident that you don't want to be married to "Nobody."

Prayer:

Ask God to help you resist the tendency to blame others, and be responsible and accountable to God and your mate for your life.

Discuss: Does anyone called "Nobody" live at your home? How have you noticed a tendency, in your own life, to deny you're at fault? How can you encourage your children to take responsibility for their own actions?

God’s blessings to you.

Family Snippet - August 2007

Family Snippet – August 2007

Two things I wish to share with you this time An invitation and a principle.

‘Care For the Family Event – ‘Teenage Years – Help for Parents’

‘Care For The Family’ is a successful national Christian charity committed to helping families. Rob Parsons is its founder, along with his wife, who are burdened by the needs and struggles families face today. Including other national speakers and contributors ‘Care For The Family’ run numerous events throughout the year targeting various needs families and couples face today. I attended at least two of these events and was blessed by them. In fact one of these events introduced me to a course for married couples which I shared at our church and resulted in positive responses from those who attended.

One of these events will be hosted by Rob Parsons, and is entitled ‘Teenagers! What Every Parent Has to Know.’ Rob plans to explore issues that parents of teenagers face, like, understanding what is going on your child’s brain, keys for dealing with the really testing teenager, dealing with the big issues like sex, drugs, self esteem an the like, why it is hard for today’s teenager. This unique event will happen on 1 October 2007 at The General Assembly Hall,

University

of

Edinburgh

, from 7:30pm – 10:00 pm. There is a charge for the event, but a free copy of Rob’s book with the same title will be given to every household who attends.

Maybe you are a parent to a teenager, or maybe you are a parent like me to a child who will one day be a teenager. If you are interested you can view a video introduction of Rob’s presentation on www.careforthefamily.org.uk/teenagers. Details will also be posted on www.smfamilymin.typepad.com 

or you can call 0290 2081 0800 and book your place. If you need information about the venue or possible transport arrangements, call me on 01698821617 or 07737407754.

Now, for an important principle I learned from my window.

The Kingdom for Little Children

My son Matthew likes to plays in the garden and is often joined by two other friends from the neighbourhood. From my office I can see my garden, where I am able to keep an eye on them. So many times I am intrigued by what these 7-8 year olds get up to. What amuses me most is the imagination that they have which brings out a creativity in them that is second to none.

Today was one of those beautiful summer days and of course attracted these juniors outside and to our garden. After playing for a while I heard someone crying. Thinking that one of them got hurt I ran out, only to see the oldest of the three in tears while walking across to his home with his toys in his hands. I of course confronted the remnant and enquired about what caused the sudden upset. After getting their views I discovered that one of them was mean to the retreating lad. As a result he promised to go home and vowed not to play with the rest ever again.

As a good father and pastor ought to be I encouraged them to play nice with each other and returned to my work leaving the two to continue their playing. After 2 minutes; I am sure not more than that; I saw the important principle in action. The retreating lad was back in my garden, playing with the remnant as if no meanness ever happened that afternoon. I sat looking at them for a while trying to work out what just happened. It was then that I was reminded of the thought of Jesus: ‘unless we become like little children, we will never enter the

kingdom

of

God

’ “Thank you Lord”, I said, “Thank you for allowing a little humble and forgiving child to teach me again”.

Family Life Snippet-Imperfections

FAMILY SNIPPET - IMPERFECTIONS

I was painting one of the rooms in our home the other day and Matthew, our 6-year old child, wanted to help me. While I traced the edges of the room with the paint brush, I gave him the chance to use the paint roller and apply paint to the large part of the wall to where he could reach.

I obviously had to keep an eye on him while he was busy, as well as examine the whole area after he declared his completion of the job.

While examining his work, I admitted that it was quite good for a 6-year old who never painted in his life, even though there were gaps and imperfections in his work, which I had to correct afterwards.

I remember saying to myself that I could keep him out of this room and not help me again, or I could allow him to do the second coat, after I have corrected his imperfections without him knowing, and thus make him feel proud of doing a great job. I decided the latter and called him when the next coat was ready to be applied. 

After the whole room had been painted, I realised that giving him that responsibility was a very good experience for both him and me. For him was the pride he had for being able to do a good job and have his father be proud of him and complementing him. For me was to see his face light up in pride, and running to his mom to come and admire his handiwork.

I learnt two valuable lessons that day. The first lesson I learnt was that my families’ imperfections in actions and character are minor compared to the value they have as person and part of my family. The second lesson I learnt was that the ‘forgiving and forgetting’ virtue is valuable to the health of any relationship.

C.S. Lewis wrote this: “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you”

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Family Life Snippet- For What It's Worth

Family Snippet - For What It’s Worth

For what it’s worth consider the following 3 points:

1. God considers that our ability to give and receive love can and would inspire us and enable us to build high quality interpersonal relationships with one another.

2. Seventh-day Adventists believe that the family unit in whatever form is the place where social behaviour and spiritual values are constructed; where social behaviour and spiritual values are interpreted; and where social behaviour and spiritual values are transmitted from one generation to the next.

3. Secular society regard that it is difficult to develop a happy, secure family environment when the marriage relationship is not stable and vibrant; uncommitted marriages will sabotage their families and contribute to the problems within; the emotional ties  that bind families together create incredibly important bonds of attachments that influence us, often for the rest of our lives.

Therefore the opportunity for us exist to help another family who needs support as well as to pray for another family who struggles with some sort of family challenge.

Also for what it’s worth … I happened to stumble on to an informative and helpful discussion on Radio

Scotland

which airs on 92-97 Fm, 810 MW, Digital radio, and on the internet at www.bbc.co.uk/radioscotland

Their newest program is called ‘A Family Affair’, and is broadcast from 11:00 am -11:30 am every Monday morning. Following is a snippet from their website to advertise the program:

“A Family Affair

What's the best way of caring for our elderly relatives and how do we solve our obesity problem? These are just some of the difficult areas of family life and living which pose hard ethical and emotional questions for all of us in today's society.  Ruth Wishart finds out how we're tackling such dilemmas, with people who've had to face them. It's been said that raising our children today is harder than ever - this week, Ruth meets three parents, including child psychologist Richard Woolfson, who talk about the challenges they've faced. “

If you are not able to listen live at the time of broadcast, the program stays online at the ‘Listen Again –Link of the Radio Scotland website’ for 7 days. At the following link:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/noscript.shtml?/radio/aod/scotland_aod.shtml?scotland/feature1_mon

To listen you will need to have a programme called RealPlayer installed on your computer. Download it for FREE from our audio help page - http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/audiohelp.shtml

For what it’s worth , I thought I’d share that with you. Blessings.